Old News?

So i havent posted in a while, and I have some time on my hands...

A few things...

1. I wasn't re-invited back to my school. Which means I don't know where I'm going to go next year. So I've been freaking out. My mom put me in MZ so I didn't have to go to Central. Since I'm out of MZ, I don't know where I'm going to go.

2. I took my first piss test. I haven't gotten my results back.

3. I'm lonely as fuck.

4. I think I'm getting a new job over at the Bridge Cafe.

5. School is stressing me out.

6. I'm now 17.

Getting a new job?

YES!

I had to clean up some guys piss at the bar. Take the term, 'piss ass drunk' too far?...yup!
I didn't know it was piss until i asked the manager exactly what it was. i was ripshit.

But..I talked to the guy over at at the Bridge Cafe. he said that he's opening up a fine dinning restaurant a couple of doors down, and that they will prob. need me. I hope I dont have my hopes too high. They said come back to him in a month. They are taking interviews sometime around then.

oh...okay.

January was the worst.

The sweet, is never as sweet, without the sour...

Tonight is going to be sooo shitty. I have to work, and its the Superbowl. I'm just going to be lazy, and stay out of everyone's way.

Ummmm...So basically I've just been feeling like shit. Last week I was on the top of the world. Everything was going good. Now, I feel depressed?. Gina seems to be the only person that can cheer me up lately. We're both going through the same shit. We laughed about it today. How we were in the same position around 2 1/2 months ago, and now its back. I have no clue to do anymore. My friends also brought up my situation a few days ago, without them knowing.

Yesterday wasn't too bad for me. I went over to Rita's. When I got there we were goofing off, watching tv, and playing some hacky sack. I remember two summers ago, I got so into it. I'm rusty now. I get barely the tricks down that I used to do all the time. Rusty.

I feel winter just keeps dragging on, and on. I need summer to come! I hoping to have a car by then. Having a car, is going to but the biggest thing that will happen to me in a while. I'm always asking other people to drive me around to run my errands, and the shit I need to get out of the way. They don't mind, but there are things I like to do on my own.

California Dreaming..

What do I want to do when I'm older? I'v become so confused trying to figure out the future of my life. I know that I won't ever know. But its that fact, that bugs the shit out of me. I want to know what I will have to go through. Growing up has its ups, and down doesnt it.

...& The Livings Easy.

Fuck you winter! I want summer. I had my itunes on shuffle the other day. "burn One Down" comes on. That was the song I listened to every day in the summer. I miss everything about it....

Long car rides with the windows down.
Sunglasses.
No shirts.
Cigarettes.
The girls.
Walks.
The beach.
Night time.
Lemonade.
Shorts.
Bedroom window open.
No school.
Rope swings.
Swimming.
Parties.
Frisbee.
Bonfires.
Fireworks.
Boating.
Cliff jumping.
Soft serve.
Hook ups.
Boat shoes.
Cut-offs
Speeding
The nights that are too hot for anyone to sleep.
Trampoline.
The girls.
Arizona Green Tea.

"Superiorize this bitch!"

Hhahaha. STFU!

Pretty Please, Stop?!

So in the past 6 months. I've known 3 people that were close to my family die... My next door neighbor who have lived there longer then us died the other night. A friend of the family died 2 mornings ago. The other people across the street died a little while back. May I ask what the fuck is happening?

In other news...I got a fucked text that read... "I jussst wanted to tell u im worried about u and i plan to tell uur mom this week about ur drug use and sex acts she going to be hurt"....Hmmm, like I really really really don't have enough problems on my plate? I asked who it was because the number wasn't in my phone. They replied and said "u know me thats all that matters". From the first three digits its from someone in Milford. I don't know anyone there. I tried calling and a recording said that the number has been disconnected. Excuse me? Number one, I don't do drugs anymore. Number two, sex acts?! what the hell are you talking about? If there really was a test for my virginity...It would show up negitive. Also, it would be the same for the drug test.

In happier news...I've been more inspired to work on some more art. People have been encouraging me to step up and get some stuff done..So I am! I'm getting new paints this weekend, and I am going to put them to good use. I had an idea stuck in my head for a while, I just need to sketch it out and see how it will look.

I've been falling behind...

Sorry.
So just a quick run over...
Friday, snowboarding was good. I was keeping up with the guys after the 2nd day. Next week when I go I'll try to hit up the park. It looks intimidating to be honest. I'll give it a shot. I just don't want to fuck myself up.

Saturday, I went over to Rita's. I met Nadja. Shes..Shes, amazing. She just seems to always be filled with energy, and makes things worth laughing about. We took a ride over to londenderry? to pick up her friend Kevin.
That night I worked 7 hours. It seemed to go by so fast, I never realized what time it was. I got home around 12 in the morning.

Sunday, I went back to Rita's. Nadja was there again.. :) Then i went back to work.

I wish... I could be running up that hill.

Skip.

I missed a day. But nothing really happened, so I was good.

Tomorrow is the snowboard trip. I'm a bit excited. It will be my second time out, so I'll learn a few new things. Zach helped me out tremendously today when he sold me his snow pants. I ran around today trying to find a good pair for tomorrow, and I finally got some!

Time is never time at all...

So tonight I was completely clusterfucked. My mom and I had one of those talks. It was about my grades and how they are slipping. I felt like everything was falling apart. I never ever realized how important school was until tonight. I never really gave a massive effort to get the things I needed done. I also had a talk with my brother Obie. He made me realize all of that. I go to school. I go to work. I have enough time to get my school work done, but it doesn't happen. People are going to look at me thinking "What the fuck was this kid doing with his time?". I need to get on the ball of what I need to do. I need to be sufficent and productive with my time. I need to get my shit straightened out. I realize that no matter how hard I try, its imposible for me to leave MZ and go to public. So... I need to make the best of it.

All in a couple of hours, I had to figure out my life for the four-five years. That's scary. I felt like I wasn't mature enough to handle all of it. But it was something that I had to do myself. No one was going to do it for me. I was MY life. So again tonight, I need to put my plan onto paper, of what i need to do. Its easy enough to make it into a check list. It's a checklist that can't be thrown away for years. If I fuck one thing up, it's already half over. Obie is going to have to play a big part of getting me what I need. If he's not there, it falls onto his friend Nick. God I pray all it works out.

"I don't have to piss in a cup to tell you I've smoked"

What a fucked day. Okay, so, I'll start from the beginning. Mom didn't check the news to see if school was delayed. I ended up in the an hour early for school. All I could do was sit around.

NOW the fun begins.. Walking around on the HS floor. Mr. Carter(My "Head Master") sees me, and calls me into his office. He basicly tells me that I have to piss in a cup . If I tell him this minute that "I have a problem" like it says in the "student handbook". I get put onto a school contract. It basically says a bunch of bull shit that comes down to "One more chance". So if I "fuck up" again, and don't confront him before the drug test, I am no longer a student at Mount Zion. Also, when I mean drug test it means that I'll be getting randomly tested throughout the year. Which personally, I'd be more then happy to fail and not go. But, from there I know I would be homeschooling myself. Which wouldn't be the happiest thing. I'm pretty much on my knees now begging for fucking summer to move its slow ass along.

"Does It Offend You, Yeah?"

"Why don't I just kill myself?...No one would miss me..What's the point of life?"
Shit...okay, so we have all been there, or said that before. If your going to complain about why you should kill yourself, do you really think you'll have my full attention?..Nope. Yes, I would miss you. No, don't say that. SUCK IT UP PRETTY PLEASE?

Conversations on the topic of religion are always messed up. I love how everyone has there (insert-name-here)'s religion. Are you really just going take a little something from every religion and just say it yours? Its call Unitarian Universalism... your now informed. This isn't religion of the month. Your either one thing or the other. Find your boundaries.

Please don't say.."This is just your opinion!" well bud, I sure hope it's mine, I seem to be the one who has said the words.

"All Work and No Play Makes Johnny a Dull Boy. All Work and..."

I hate my job, I hate my job, I hate my job. I'm not trying to be a "Negative Nathan", but work if pretty damn depressing. I work with shit, deal with shit, and most of all, I get paid shit. Sometimes a few times a day i see people crying. I see people eating alone with there sad faces. I want to leave! I must have filled out a bakers dozen of applications and all I got was "I'm sorry but we aren't excepting applications at this time"... "I'll put it on file".

So, here's the thing, apparently everyone wants to work at the Backroom. They have enough applications on file to fill my bedroom. So, they put every busser on minimum wage. They will never raise the salary because if they quit, they find someone the next day. Therefor, if the entire backroom staff (all 250 of them), are able to quit and the next day, they will have a new staff to replace them. The people that work there never get respect from the "people above". The manager/owner of the backroom, that manages the bussers and the bar, won't let me switch to bar backing. "You need to be 18" is all I hear from him. Here's the funny part, YOUR SON ISN"T 18! AND WHATS HIS JOB AGAIN...BAR BACKING?? I guess you have bad parenting and neglect your first sons birthday every year? I really don't understand the point when you give him the job. Even with me asking first AND giving me a whole talk on how its against the law to be under 18 and handle alchol.

Since I realized I can't become a bar backer anytime soon (that's seeing if I even stay there), I ask for a raise. All I seemed to hear was the BS to come out of his mouth. I work my ass off, I've worked in 3 different departments and can still do any of their jobs. I also been there for a year and a half. I have never gotten a raise, and he tells me..."well min. wage is going up when you turn 17". Excuse me? there is a reason why there are calling is min. wage. There is a reason why its going up. Our economy is in the toilet.

Thank God half the time I know when to keep my mouth shut. I would have been out of a job the first month.

On the good side...the people I work with, and not for...are all understandable. It's like a family. They are all close together. They share stories, host parties, give to weddings, baby showers, ect. I thank God for all of them.

...I Can't Get Enough!

So, for the past three days I've been waking up in the middle of the night. last night was three times, and the night before was eight. I don't even know the day before that. What used to take me ten minutes, now takes me two hours. Its becoming a hassle for me, I realize I need to sleep, but it doesn't come easy anymore.