Time is never time at all...

So tonight I was completely clusterfucked. My mom and I had one of those talks. It was about my grades and how they are slipping. I felt like everything was falling apart. I never ever realized how important school was until tonight. I never really gave a massive effort to get the things I needed done. I also had a talk with my brother Obie. He made me realize all of that. I go to school. I go to work. I have enough time to get my school work done, but it doesn't happen. People are going to look at me thinking "What the fuck was this kid doing with his time?". I need to get on the ball of what I need to do. I need to be sufficent and productive with my time. I need to get my shit straightened out. I realize that no matter how hard I try, its imposible for me to leave MZ and go to public. So... I need to make the best of it.

All in a couple of hours, I had to figure out my life for the four-five years. That's scary. I felt like I wasn't mature enough to handle all of it. But it was something that I had to do myself. No one was going to do it for me. I was MY life. So again tonight, I need to put my plan onto paper, of what i need to do. Its easy enough to make it into a check list. It's a checklist that can't be thrown away for years. If I fuck one thing up, it's already half over. Obie is going to have to play a big part of getting me what I need. If he's not there, it falls onto his friend Nick. God I pray all it works out.